The Fart

Hello my Dear,

Oh Fanny, what a blast, wasn't it brilliant? I’ve not had so much fun since well, can’t remember, but we laughed and laughed so much. Think we may have got thrown out at one point. The bloody sour faced people, why do they go on holiday to be miserable, just don’t get it, and the couple who just didn’t talk to each other … what’s that all about?

We did make a few of them smile though and we did get that bottle of bubbly from that lovely young couple. Was wondering if she really was pregnant or did she have a pillow up her top. Think they felt sorry for me when you left to go to the loo and forgot which way to go, up or down.  I took a fit of the giggles and sitting alone and being hysterical is not a good look!

Oh God the donkeys - bloody things. I’m still bow legged and can’t stand up straight. I couldn’t stop a pig in a hurry, that’s for sure, it would run straight through! Another good idea of yours!!!! Well next time I want to see what will happen before I jump on and feel like I’m on one of those rodeo bulls. OMG the pain!!! Can you get whiplash in your arse???

Talk about drink - flaming Norah, I drank so much I could have sank a battle ship. But now having withdrawals, so may need to hit the bottle tonight. It’s getting kind of fractious round here, why do we have to pick up the pieces after such a relaxing and fun time away? Boy I’ve hit the ground running and I’m still running!!!!

The Slapped Arse woman and her friend with the Two Sandwiches Short of a Picnic - God what a pair. Wonder what they called us? But they did want us to join them for some fun but good God how boring were they? What was that with their husbands at the bar and them sitting at the table and looking like they were sucking lemons. Amazed that he actually believed me when I told him I was a hod carrier and you a brick layer! Hahahha, stupid sod!!

Did you ever find that Tena Lady? God hope it didn’t fall out as you walked round the pool. All those people -  bloody hell Myf, that would have been a sight, something crawling down your leg and you prancing about like a prize chuck in your Audrey Hat and Glasses. Glad I was in front of you and not behind, otherwise I may have had to pick it up and shout “does this belong to you” hahhaha.

Oh lord, I did a classic. Had to spend a penny, as you do, and the loos were rank with rubbish all over the floor - wet loo roll and God knows what else. So did me bit and came out washed the hands as you do - I can’t believe so many filthy dirty bitches not washing their hands after depositing - anyway, walked through the shops and wondered why people kept looking, only had some loo paper attached to my bloody shoe, how embarrassing. Didn’t want to pick it off cos I didn’t know where it had been, so tried to shuffle it off. Well I shuffled that bloody hard that I fell tits up and smashed my glasses! The upside was a lovely young man with a gorgeous arse bent over to pick  me up.  Not sure if it was shock, embarrassment or just bloody panic but I started to laugh and well you know me, as he pulled me to my feet I let out an enormous fart!!!! Well that killed that conversation!!!

At that I’d best be off, things to do and places to go, speak soon.

Must dash.

Your loving friend

Morwenna x