Holes in the Ears

Well hello you old bugger,

I was wondering where you had gone. Sleeping I thought or probably hitting the gin bottle again and didn’t bother to invite your old mate round!!!

Hey you, what's all this about throwing myself at the guards?  I’ll have you know they fall at my feet - hahahahha. But yeh, you're right I always get the gorilla woman, bloody scary if you ask me.

So your still having trouble with the Twat in the Hat, send him on a mission or even better get him a job as a secret shopper, that will put paid to that one!

Getting hairy, lord that’s a little scary. Hope you’re not turning into a gorilla woman, I will hardly recognise you next time we meet. Best get that shaver going, you can’t be doing with stubble and I'm not coming too close to find out either. Have to say I’m beginning to get the odd one now and again, but bugger me they sprout from nowhere and they are two inches bloody long and, to add fuel to the fire, they are like wire!!!!

Well, I have to share this one with you. You remember the other week when we met up and went for a sandwich, and that girl had those enormous holes in her ears and you asked if they hurt?  Can you remember (I know you’re getting a little forgetful these days)? Well, I was chatting to a friend the other day about tattoos and the like and the holes in the ears came up. We had a giggle about what it  would look like when you're ancient and the holes are like bloody great loops hanging from your ears. Well, we came up with the solution and get this - when you’re getting on and the boobs become slightly less elasticated (droopy) and when you take off your lederhosen (shoulder boulder) bra and your tits fall to your belly or even worse your thighs, then here's the solution. You simply pop your nipples into the holes in the ears and hey presto instant boob job, sorted! Sitting upright and well supported!!!!

Hope you got your Tena Lady on cos I guess you're pissing yourself right now!

Well must be off,  things to do and people to upset.

Love ya

Morwenna xxx