Thursday, 5 April 2018

A Lovely Walk - Not!


My Dear Morwenna

I’m really not sure this salad spinner idea is a good one, on so many levels. Firstly, do you not think you’ll look a little conspicuous when you whip your knickers off and start whirling them round your head in that thing? Secondly, what happens to all that liquid? I’ll tell you what happens – it will fly out of the spinner hitting everyone within a 10-foot radius and land in peoples’ drinks. They will not be happy Mor, especially when they discover what the liquid is. I’m telling you now, this is not one of your better ideas!

I hope you enjoyed your Easter break. After that glorious chocolatey gluttonous weekend, I thought I'd better get back on track with this diet and exercise lark so decided to walk rather than drive when I went to get my nails done.

There was a moment when I thought perhaps I should drive cos it looked a bit like rain, but as He hadn’t got the car out of the garage, the decision was made for me. I’m banned from getting my own bloody car out now because He says as a woman I don’t have the spatial awareness of men and will probably run into the side of the garage as I reverse. Sodding cheek – truth of it is Mor, that garage is so full of crap that by me moving the car could cause the whole bloody lot to collapse.

Anyway, I digress – back to the walk. I thought I was awfully smart and clever to pop an umbrella in my bag and wear a waterproof coat, just in case but really, I would be fine. Well I wasn’t bloody fine was I? I only got a couple of hundred yards up the road and it started to rain but that was ok cos smart me had an umbrella in the bag. But ffs Mor, we have a sodding cupboard full of umbrellas and I pick the twatting broken one! Spokes going off at all angles. Took me ages to get the thing up and then it’s bloody useless (think I might have heard that phrase before!). But never mind because I was wearing my waterproof coat. Only waterproof doesn’t really mean waterproof, does it? It means sodding light mist proof.

But that’s not the end of it. Oh no. So there I am walking along at a fair old pace by now, drenched and with a randomly spoked umbrella when a bastarding bus driver thinks it’s very bloody amusing to drive straight through the bastarding puddle!!!!

Well, FML.

Your ever-suffering Myfanwy
xx

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