The Squits

Hello my dear Myfanwy

How you doing? Gosh you have had an interesting time, didn’t think it was so much fun travelling by public transport, but you never know what your day will bring. People eh? Don’t you just love em!

Poor old stick, she was probably just lonely, it must have been the highlight of her day, but you poor buggers having to listen to it all, especially when people need to be getting on with their day … bit of a bummer really!

Oh speaking of bums, yep the piles are gone thank God. My poor teeth have been so sensitive ever since, having to bite down on the loo seat for pain relief. I’m layering in Vaseline to make sure it’s an easy passage!

Oh hang on the window cleaners have just arrived - be back in a tick!!!!!! 

Phew, that was exciting, more lick marks on the window and dribble down me chin - must go and adjust the makeup, not a good look!

Ok I’m back. So sorry, it’s taken me two days to come back and finish my letter, anyway I’m here now.

What a lovely day, sat sitting outside. We are away for the weekend, the old man has nodded off and having the odd snore, and there is a bloody Peacock making a horrendous noise. They make look beautiful but for fuck's sake they spoil the peace, it’s worse than a guard dog barking all the time. I may have to go and investigate and have a wee word in the ear of the chap who owns it.

Have been reading a few blogs this week and stuff on Facebook, it’s hilarious some of the stuff people put up there. There have been some DEEP and meaningful quotes, DEEP thoughts and DEEP suggestions, it kind of really makes you think and gets a bit warm under the collar!!! You can really misinterpret the whole meaning !!! I have to say I’ve had some good old belly laughs.

It’s only a few more days and we will have some time together, it’s been so long since I saw you and so long since we booked this little holiday. I’m a bit nervous in case I can’t find you at the airport, can you wear a plastic daff or something. I’d hate to be looking out for you and accost some poor bugger who’s really just minding their own business and in I blunder - full of shit and as loud as hell as I’m so chuffing excited!

Just want to check too what your taking in the way of emergency supplies???? Mother always told me to take one with me just in case, not really sure what she meant by it all, but maybe you could enlighten me?

I’ve got the disclaim stuff in case we get the squits….. think that’s how you spell it? Some pain killers for whatever, some white thistle for the liver cause we WILL need it, and some tenna ladies to catch the dribbles after laughing too much!

Think that’s it, so must dash now Fanny my old fart, catch up at the airport.

Much love, your ever suffering friend

Morwenna x