The Incident on the Bus

My Dear Morwenna

So sorry it’s taken me a while to reply to your last letter, but to be honest it’s been all go.

I’m really pleased to hear that your piles have shrunk. I thought I might be called upon to apply the ointment, especially as you didn’t fancy Him Indoors having a go.

Do you know, I thought Budgie Catchers didn’t sound right when you kept saying it – just as well you didn’t mention it too much in public! But Apple Catchers - jeez the images that conjures up.

Had to laugh yesterday Mor, shame you wasn’t with me. I decided to go into Oxford on the bus, just to get me new knickers for our little jaunt. Always like some nice new knickers when I go on holiday, and I got some nice serviceable ones from M&S. I can’t be doing with those stringy things that the young ones wear – it must be so uncomfortable to have that thing disappear up your bum, can’t be hygienic either! 

Anyway, I digress a bit here. The journey was going well, the bus was fairly full and was without incident, until it stopped to pick up an older lady. She must have been in her 80s and the first thing she asked the driver was if he would take a cheque! Eventually she found a £10 note in her pocket so phew, we didn’t have to wait for her to write a cheque. But then she started telling him all about her strawberries that she used to grow as a girl, and how they sold them at Covent Garden. Well now the passengers were beginning to stir - some were laughing, others sighing, there were groans and a general feeling of impatience. I had an inkling that this might not end well. Eventually a lady passenger got up and suggested she comes and sits down so the bus could get going. Well this woman turned on her and asked her why she was talking to her like a dog, she wasn’t a bloody dog and she didn’t want to bloody well sit!

This all went on for about 10-minutes, 10-bloody minutes! No one was making eye contact and, I must admit, I was considering whether I should intervene here but eventually the passenger got her to sit down without too much force. Everyone relaxed. But oh no, the next stop the woman decides she wants to get off. Up she gets and starts wobbling down the bus and then she starts again about her sodding strawberries. Ye Gods, will I never get into town for me knickers?

Then things took unexpected turn when the old man with the walking stick, who looked like he was nodding off, suddenly jumps up shrieking “get off the bus, get off the bus” and starts prodding her with his walking stick. He was getting perilously close to her regions and she did turn on him but, given is age and the stick, he was quite spritely. Hats off to him, he got her off the bus and received a round of applause!

If only I knew Mor that going into Oxford on the bus was that exciting, I would have gone years ago.

Better stop now, think I’ll go and get my suitcase out the loft and start packing for next week!

Take care love and look forward to your next letter.

Lots of Love

Myfanwy

xxxx