Gummy

Dear Mor

Jesus Christ Mor, what are you like. Thank God I wasn’t with you.

​So are you still walking around all gummy? Mind you, I bet you could give a powerful suck.

 Love Myf
​
#myfanwyandmorwenna #falseteeth #gummy #powerfulsuck #myfandmor

False Teeth

Dear Myf 

Gin … you’re not on the mother's ruin again?

Got to tell you this, or maybe I did, can't remember. Last week I went to the bingo as I fancied a little night of excitement and decided to have a little tipple of Gin. Well, actually ended up with several gins, as you do.
Bloody hell, I didn’t half show myself up! Nothing new there I can hear you say, but I won - I flaming won and got so excited I lost my bloody false teeth in the glass. There they were - staring at me. A great big cheesy smile and me with all me gums exposed!

Well I just left quickly. So quick in fact that I left the bloody things behind. Didn’t have the guts to fish them out and stick them back in with hundreds of people staring at me.

Somebody got a nice new pair of teeth! 

​In a rush, must go.
Love Mor x

#myfanwyandmorwenna #gin #bingo #wonatthebingo #falseteeth #leftinahurry

Toupee

Dear Mor
​
Bloody hell Mor, you really need to get your wind under control. Mind you, perhaps that will cure the doctor of wearing a bloody dog on his head.

Must go, the ice is melting in me gin.

Love Myf
XX

#myfanwyandmorwenna #toupee #wind #fart #wig #myfandmor 

Dark Tunnel

Dear Myf

Just a quickie love, been a bit out of sorts. By the way, I don’t have sex these day … it’s bloody healed up!

So, just to keep you in the loop. That bloody UTI - I ended up with cystitis and a visit to the quack again. Oh God, this time the legs were flung apart and he started to peer up a very dark tunnel - I felt he was searching for my tonsils.

The worry was I could feel the bristles on his chin against my legs and his hot breath shooting up a place where its not supposed to be!!!! But oh my flaming God, to top that I felt the rumbles of wind setting sail on it’s way down the winding channels of my bowel and, yeh you guessed, I flaming well let rip!

it was such a violent explosion that as he shot back the rush of wind blew off his toupee!
Think I need to register elsewhere before I’m struck off!

Bye love, gotta go
Speak soon
Yours always
Mor x

House of Commons

Dear Mor
I have to say that sometimes when I read your letters I haven’t got a bloody clue what you’re going on about. I mean, what’s all this about peeing? I understand that you’ve got an infection, but I didn’t need to know the number of times you had to pee. It’s too much sex you know, that’s what’s caused it. I didn’t know you was still so bloody active!

Yes, I do remember the incident with the tomato pips. It was only a vague memory though until you mentioned skinny dipping. I certainly remember that and being cleared of pips!!! I remember that night we met Yiannis and Adonis at that nightclub – do you remember them? We all got absolutely pissed on Ouzo – it’s taken me years to get over the smell and feel comfortable drinking it again. Anyway, they used to take us to that lovely little Taverna, you know the one on the beach. I remember we all got carried away one night with smearing Tzatziki all over the place and licking it off! Mind you, when we ran out of that and moved on to Taramasalata I ended up smelling like an old cod for a week. God those two blokes were tasty though, weren’t they? Jesus Mor, I could do with a bit of that now.

You know, I’m getting quite an urge to go back to Greece. I wonder if we could recreate any of those memories. Probably wouldn’t be the some though, they would be quite old now and most likely gone saggy.

I’ve not been doing much lately. The highlight of my week was getting my eyes tested on Friday. He came in so close to my face I was tempted to purse my lips and plant a kiss. Wonder what he would have done. Had to have new glasses – that takes bloody forever. They keep sticking these frames on your face and simpering “oooh they do suit you” but how the bloody hell can you tell without your glasses on. Seems like every pair in the shop suited me even when I looked like a deranged throwback from the 1940s. And bloody hell the cost - might have to cut back on the wine this week which is a major sodding sacrifice. How the hell am I going to get through the week without wine?

Did you vote this week? I’m sorry to say that I didn’t but to be honest, I’m so totally fed up with all these bloody politicians who spend their days arguing the toss over Brexit. Load of tossers, the whole sodding lot of them. Those that turn up are probably asleep. I tell you Mor, monkeys could do a better job of it all than this lot. Makes us a bit of a laughing stock, doesn’t it? I thought America was topping the charts there with Donald Trump, but we’ve probably overtaken them now. Brexit should have been over and done with by now – right sodding fiasco.

So now I’ve had my moan, I’m off to drink me gin.

See you soon me old flower, love you.
Myfanwy
xxxx

#Greeks #tomatopips #skinnydipping #tzatziki #taramasalata #Greece #newglasses #spectacles #MPs #parliament #houseofcommons #vote #brexit #wine 

Hospital Toilets

My dearest old friend Myf

This weather over the holiday was amazing wasn’t it? Hope to God it wasn't our summer and it’s been and gone! Flaming Norah your nose - if it’s anything like the one you had last year on holiday it’s like a beacon shining out in the night. Aircraft round here may think you're guiding them in! Don’t stay outside too long will you?

I’m worried about you with those hair straighteners and that you’re going to frazzle your hair and it snaps off. You’re meant to dry your hair first! For God’s sake don’t use it on wet hair, you’ll electrocute yourself! You do worry me Myf, you do need some lessons.

Mind you, we've had so many lessons over the years, and some extraordinary ones. Remember that time we got tied upside down to a tree in Greece and those blokes threw rotten tomatoes at us. What fun eh? Best part was skinny dipping to try and get rid of those tomato pips. Bloody hell, the places they could get into! Thinking of that is really making me rather HOT under the collar, phew …. best off for a cold shower. But maybe we need to have another little adventure soon, it’s been so long. Best get me thinking cap on.

Oh dear Myf, I think I’ve got a water infection. I’ve been up and down to the hospital recently and I always worry about using the loos in those places. Now I can’t stop peeing. I feel like I want to pee, nearly pee myself thinking about wanting to pee, then when I do go to pee, I nearly pee myself before I pee! Blimey, that was hard work telling you all about my peeing!

So cranberry juice is going in like nobody’s business. I’m sure I’ll be peeing pure cranberry soon. Be glad when it’s gone, I’m wearing a hole in my floor trotting back and forward, in out in out …. and the amount of loo roll well, there is another story.

Alcohol is off limits and I really do fancy a trip down the river with a couple of bottles to reminisce. Let’s take a waterproof blanket for your piles and If I wee myself, then all will be well too.

Dear lord Myf I’ve gotta go again,

Duty calls

Hope to catch up soon

Love Mor x

#hospitaltoilets #toilets #waterinfection #pee #Greece #tomatoes #skinnydipping #tomatopips

Hair Straighteners

My Dear Morwenna
What a beautiful day it’s been – not known an Easter like this for many years. Been sitting in the garden but now I look like a bloody lobster and yes, the nose is glowing!
Mor, I must ask you about this hair straightener contraption that you suggested I buy. Not sure I’ve really got the hang of them yet – my hair seems to end up sticking out in all directions all over my head, that’s not right is it? I can feel it waving about in the breeze like a bloody peacock! Also, are they supposed to smoke when you’ve got your hair in them? I end up smelling like a damp dog sitting too close to the fire – can’t be right.
Going back to the past – I remember the Greek Islands with that bloke. God he was gorgeous, wasn’t he? Shame he got done for smuggling. Can’t remember the woman we cleaned for though, glad it didn’t last long cos I bloody hate cleaning. But hell yes, I remember the gardener and his mate. That was an incredible time and I learnt things there that I never even realised were physically possible. Who knew that you could get your legs into those positions? Maybe it’s something just the Greeks do, cos I’ve never managed it since!!!
Blimey Mor, we've had some adventures haven't we? What a life we’ve had and shared, and I don’t regret a single moment.
The woman in Sainsburys sounds a right bloody nightmare. Not bumped into her, and I’m sure I would have remembered. Seems we’re magnets for every nutter going. Which reminds me of that odd bloke in Greece who kept shouting at everyone and telling them they needed to wear red or they were doomed. You must remember him – he was dressed from head to foot in red – looked like a bloody tomato!
Must say I enjoyed our little night out the other week. That first bottle of Prosecco slipped down pretty quick though, didn’t it? But the prices they charge in these places is criminal – we would have been better off buying a couple of bottles from Tesco and slipping off down to the river like we used to. Mind you, the older we get the more comfort we need – a damp arse plays havoc with me piles these days.
Well my love, I suppose I’d better get on. Need to bring the washing in now – another pile of sodding ironing that will all end up in the washing basket next week. Makes you wonder whether it’s all worth it – maybe we should try our luck in the Greek Islands again!!!!
Talk to you soon love,
Be good.
Love Myf
xxxx
 
#hairstraighteners #thegreekbloke #greekislands #cleaning #nutter #prosecco #riverbank